I haven’t been in the scriptures much lately, however last night I was desperate for a word from God because in these certain seasons my mind runs wild concerning scripture and I’ll feel condemned when reading a verse or hearing sermons.
So in my heart I asked God to show me something, even if it’s small. So I opened a random page and I landed in Jeremiah, Jeremiah was a prophet sent to Israel to preach repentance and for them to turn from their sin. However they didn’t listen and Jeremiah was mocked, beaten, and thrown in a pit later on.
He also couldn’t marry nor have kids, he truly was a loner. However God was with Him, but that doesn’t mean he fully believed that. So in all his pain and trials he says:
“Why is my pain unceasing, my wound incurable, refusing to be healed? Will you be to me like a deceitful brook, like waters that fail?”
-Jeremiah 15:18
A brook is another name for a river, Jeremiah is accusing God of failing him in his trials. An example of a deceitful brook is liked to someone in a desert that is familiar with a spot that has a river, so they travel to it however once they get there the river is dried up. So it was a decitful brook. He expected a drink and the waters failed.
Jeremiah is accusing God of failing Him in his trials, thank God for who He is and His grace abounds in our sin. A created being is accusing His creator of failure, God could rightly and truly destroy Jeremiah but that’s not how He treats His people.
He says His pain in incurable refusing to be healed, there’s a frustration and anger that can be felt by the Christian that has physical ailments. Bitterness can even grow towards God because it’s not in His will to heal them. These “incurable wounds” God uses for His glory, sometimes in ways we don’t understand.
However God replied to Jeremiahs outcry:
“Therefore thus says the Lord: “If you return, I will restore you, and you shall stand before me. If you utter what is precious, and not what is worthless, you shall be as my mouth. They shall turn to you, but you shall not turn to them.”
-Jeremiah 15:19
He tells Jeremiah in short that he is speaking worthless words about his God. He tells him to repent and speak rather precious words about God and to put his faith in The Lords provision for him to be a prophet for Israel. Jeremiah will be Gods spokesperson and preach a message of wrath and repentance to Gods people.
Jeremiah was stricken, sorrowful, and lonely. I find myself speaking worthless words about God. Even in these blogs I’m sure I have, nevertheless I post on here to bring awareness to religious OCD and what it’s like with this condition having faith it will reach someone and for them to know they aren’t alone.
He calls him to repent of his words and return, this rebuke is done in love. Even though we can speak worthless wicked words about God and we are uncontrollable like the wind at times, Jesus Christ is the same as today yesterday and tomorrow. The Lord does not change so that we aren’t consumed.
I fall into despair and on top of that I feel that God isn’t with me and is my enemy and I’m to be damned in the end and He say He never knew me. And so I go about the day groaning in sorrow and feeling utterly dead inside, as the psalmist said I became like those who are dead.
And so I start accusing God of failing me like Jeremiah did, I buckle under pressure and utter foolish things. I’ve noticed the pattern of God always sending people to help me and to speak through them in my afflictions.
He sent a brother to me that by the smallest chance actually struggles with religious ocd. There’s always that glimmer of hope and light that I see in others that God sends.
God remembers our frame that we are but dust, in our many wanderings and how much we change He remains as is. And when we are faithless He is faithful, in those seasons that I find myself growing cold towards Christ and holy things I can only cry out for mercy and grace and for Him to renew a right spirit in me.
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 