Doubt

I’m so grieved for humanity. When I walk in public I wonder how many people are saved? I almost want to give up on evangelism the people I do try don’t care. People young my age in their early 20’s are running headlong into all sorts of iniquity and sin and don’t care about their soul.

I’ve been wondering what the point is, I feel like the biggest loser. What’s my life? Why am I alive if God feels so far away. I’ve been so angry at every single thing, I yearn for death every moment. I sleep to take the pain away, nighttime is terrible to bear with because I’m left alone in my thoughts.

The Devil and demons implant thoughts in my head all the day, I have no desire to read the Bible. I’m just done with myself and I can’t explain the indignation and self hate I feel, I’m seeking empty things in the world to fill me because it’s as if God has left me alone and cleaned His hands with me.

Sorrow and pain are the highlights of my life, my chest hurts from the sorrow and anxiety I feel everyday. I try not to think about God because He’s my greatest fear. I can’t go to sin because it’s uncomfortable and wrong.