THE CHRONICLES Book Seven The Lifeless deconstructed Preacher

XV. Depart From Me
The Devil was done remembering. He was back in the garage, in the present, in
the blue glow of three monitors and a ring light, and he was well pleased.
The man was still there, still alive, still working. On the left screen, a new video
was rendering: “Five Bible Verses Your Pastor Hopes You Never Read.” It would
go up at seven the next morning, when engagement was highest.
The Devil went to the shelf on the far wall of the studio. There, wedged between
a ring of cables and a box of unsold merch, was an old Bible with a leather cover
that had once been black and was now gray at the edges. It had the man’s name
stamped on the front in gold. His parents had given it to him the day he was
baptized. Nobody had opened it in years.
The Devil, who cannot touch holy things with comfort, opened it anyway. It hurt
him. He did not care. He turned to Matthew, the seventh chapter, and found the
verse he knew too well.
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name?
and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful
works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye
that work iniquity.
He read it twice. And then he laughed, a real laugh this time, loud in the empty
garage, at the part about casting out devils.
“Cast out devils,” he said. “This one? This fool? This tool of mine? He could not
even cast out the weakest of my servants. I had to make it play dead for him.”
He closed the book.

No answers received nor I can give

I can reach for any vanity; gaming, music, content creation, reading, writing, and concerning prayer and spiritual matters it’s these times I have no unction nor desire to pray to God or read words that are to me cold orthodoxy and utterly insufferable.
God forbid you have access to Him and His Word and what do you get? Darkness, despair and incurable emotional and mental pain along with mental crucifixion.
The True God of the universe if I wasn’t such a coward and the fear of damnation I would utterly off myself I would make it to where the body couldn’t be found so there’s no ashes and further money wasted for any burial and my request would have no open wake because me probably being in hell would probably rage all the more that now I’m “missed” when on my time alive here on earth I couldn’t understand why anyone in the absolute hell would want me here.
I’m not worth loving nor do I understand it and my core being is the object of such affront and sin to creation itself that devils laugh when I’m awake and angels mourn.
Yea such is the case in my reasoning.

Out of the Temple of Aphrodite: Corinthian Shame Culture, Ancient Idolatry, and the Modern Debased Mind

To understand the weight of Paul’s words to the Corinthian church, you have to understand what Corinth actually was. This was not an ordinary Greco-Roman city with an ordinary amount of vice. Corinth had a reputation across the entire ancient Mediterranean world — the Greek verb korinthiazomai, “to Corinthianize,” literally meant to fornicate, to live debauched. That’s not a modern reading imposed backward onto the text; that’s a word that existed in the common vocabulary of the ancient world before Paul ever set foot there. Aristophanes used it centuries earlier. A city had become synonymous with sexual excess so thoroughly that its name turned into a verb for it.

Resentment

(Entry from yesterday.) If there was no hell I’d blow myself up, along with nobody with me. The only casualty is me and it’s not actually a casualty just a liability that’s been severed from this earth. If my experience with God is such so I don’t want heaven with him im not worthy in the first place and the thought of hell I can’t bear the work. Just let me die already

Mockery of the disabled {rage} [tears] and standing up for the afflicted

There was a case I remember — this woman who had multiple different ailments, and people would shun her for her appearance. She’s actually a well-known speaker, and I think she has books published, but people called her the ugliest woman alive. And when I heard her story, and heard how she couldn’t find even one comment defending her on the post I couldn’t stop weeping. I couldn’t stop crying. It’s just unthinkable to me. And I yearn for people to be saved. I want anyone with ailments, with all my heart, to be able to look forward to the resurrection. God above with all my soul I say this….

just like Jesus asking Mary about Lazarus, and her saying, “I know I will see him in the resurrection,” and then the Carpenter himself wept — not because he couldn’t raise Lazarus from the dead, but because of the fact that this world, this is the product of what was not meant to be. Death was never part of the plan.

THE CHRONICLEs OF THE UNSEEN WAR INTRODUCTION

Inspiration and the Nature of Allegory
Heavily inspired by C.S. Lewis’s The Screwtape Letters and Milton’s Paradise Lost, I find spiritual warfare to be fascinating. Unfortunately, the world and the present culture—whether pop culture or anything else—just come up with their own ideas about demons and the devil, what they are, and who he is, outside of what the Bible says. So, these are simply allegorical stories—a combination of me and AI narrating, with me coming up with the stories and a mixture of my voice through the many chats I have with AI.
The Reality of Spiritual Warfare and Sin
The devil has come to steal, kill, and destroy. I don’t fixate on him out of fear or curiosity, but because he’s a real enemy. When the shroud has been removed and you come to Christ, you truly see it for what it is. The fact of us partaking of the forbidden fruit as the first humans, being tempted by a serpent, and now sin existing because of that—it’s foolish to the world. But it’s simply the truth, and there’s no sound argument in all of people’s philosophy and pseudo-babble word salad for why this world is so messed up. People play around and say words like “mistake” or “mess up,” but they fall short of saying that, ultimately, it’s sin. Sin is an offense against God, and Satan was the first sinner, not us.
Allegories of Truth in a Confused World
So, I put this series out not for you to be consumed out of curiosity or to see it merely as a pastime of intellectual knowledge. These are allegories of the truth, contrary to what this postmodern world says about there being no truth—which is a damning lie and foolishness. Everyone is walking around confused, but God is not the author of confusion. If you don’t know the Lord, that is my greatest, deepest desire: that you come to know Him, and that you read the Scriptures for what they say with a humble heart.
Stripping Away Idols and Seeking the Creator
Some of you have to come to the end of yourself, literally, to seek God. That’s how it was for me. When you have everything you want, you think you’re fine; but be stripped away from every idol and every hope you have, and man will cry out to his original Creator. Atheism does not exist—it’s that men suppress the truth. Men know there’s a God; in fact, there’s an innate sense in them, and they know they’re going to be held accountable. It’s just that the present age and the world have us consumed—especially in America, with every single lust, greed, and entertainment before our very eyes. I say this with grief: looking at pixels, in some seasons, I found more joy in that than in the living God.
The Offer of Grace to the Ungodly
The believer can have the heart of a harlot and the heart of a virgin. God helps and saves a very wayward people. So, if you think that you are too evil in this day of grace, it’s another lie of the enemy, or another lie you’ve told yourself. Christ did not come to die for the godly, but for the ungodly. But how can man get clean if he doesn’t see himself as dirty? How can man judge what he sees fit as morality when he himself is not perfect? The only perfection is God, and the only good is God. I hope that this series does the work it is meant to do, which is sharing the gospel. This is the introduction to the series.

Untitled lamentation (last year)

Reading back through an entry like this—written from the depths of acute emotional crash, scrupulosity, and exhaustion—highlights just how terrifying and overwhelming that mindset felt in the moment.
Looking at this entry from a year’s distance, several distinct psychological, spiritual, and structural themes emerge that explain why the storm felt so inescapable.

bitter while called & the scroll of lamentation mourning and woe

“The scroll demands the eater’s blood.” The reader’s own formulation is sound
biblical theology. To eat the scroll is to consent to be changed by it — to let a message of
lament become the substance of one’s inner life. The prophet who eats qinim va-hegeh
va-hi becomes a man who moans and wails; he is conformed to what he carries. This is
why Ezekiel’s very body becomes the message in the sign-acts: the internalization is so
total that the word is enacted in his flesh. The one who carries lament pays for it in his
own person — in sleeplessness, in bitterness, in the seven days of appalled silence,
ultimately (for the prophets and for Christ) in blood. The message of the cross is that
God Himself finally eats this scroll to the dregs: the Word made flesh consumes the full
bitterness of judgment in His own body on the tree. Every under-messenger who bleeds
for the word he carries is conformed to that pattern, not inventing a new one

Warped perception & tryna see the road

Entry from a few weeks ago The past few nights and days, my mind has been in such instability. Chaos, like an incomplete puzzle that can’t be put together. I’m afraid to take any of my stimulants — the Adderall, the Vyvanse — because it’ll make me manic. And then I crash from the mania, […]

That fear will find you again.

Make the climb without the rope that fear, will find you again. And God will find you again.