As of late God has been hidden from me, I’m weary of reading and praying when it feels like the door is shut in my face, everyday has been a bleak darkness. Feels like I’m barely awake, slowly fading. My eyes are open but are closing as is.
My days are full of darkness, and I don’t know where God is to be found. I stretch my arms out but He hides his face from and shuts out my prayer, lately I wanted to find something to get high or even drunk but I know such things will lead to more destruction. And it’s not right according to His Word.
Seems like my only rest is sleep, I’m to afraid to take my life but I’ve imagined it over and over. I just want to be healed I’m 25 and this isn’t living, I take a pharmacy of pills and I can’t tell if it works or not anymore. The love of God is far as East from west for me, words of comfort deflect off me when I hear He loves me.
My flaws are many and my sin is ever-before me, I’m trying so hard to keep going. Man can continue if he’s sick but who can endure a broken spirit? (Proverbs 17:22) my bones are dried and my insides are rotting. I’m a living walking corpse. On that day if I be damned my flaws will forever burn in the lake of fire.
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 