Heaven

When I get there (that little voice in my head says: “if I get there.” I want to see Christ first, if I receive any reward or diadems I’ll cast it to the ground, He deserves it all I didn’t earn any of it. I have so many question’s, I wonder if I’ll even care to ask them once I’m there.

I want to see the spiritual realm and what I had to endure on my life on earth, seeing the unseen dark principalities that I wrestled against as do the other saints of God. I want to see the life of the prophets and their time on earth, I want to see the life of Christ and what He went through on earth and the many things He did that the books of the world cannot contain ( )

I’ll get to see all the Christians I encountered on my life on earth that helped me and prayed for me and how their life was, I can finally see those that got saved through my actions and what God did through me and my investments in the Kingdom and how I stored up treasure in Heaven.

I don’t even do this for the treasure, even if I was at the gates sweeping and taking the trash out I wouldn’t mind! I cry out in my heart what Job said: “If I am wicked, woe to me; Even if I am righteous, I cannot lift up my head. I am full of disgrace; See my misery!”

My God you know my heart, even IF I am saved I’m ashamed if I’m presumptuous of my salvation I’m all the more ashamed, if I am wicked woe is me! If I be headed to the lake of fire my sentence is just. Job laments in that verse he doesn’t want to go to hell, and he doesn’t feel worthy of heaven.

I’m content with Him just putting me somewhere, I heard a comforting message from a pastor that talked about His testimony and how he felt the exact same way early in conversion. It’ll be a joy to see the saints that were afflicted with psychical issues and had health problems on earth finally healed and well with a new glorified body.

There will be no more doubting of salvation, tormenting anxiety. All of the former pain will have passed over and all evildoers will be in the lake of fire (this grieves me but it’s true I say this with much trembling.)

I yearn for it to be the end, death is on my mind often. For then I will be free from it all.