Hope in madness.

I don’t know what I’m more astonished at: the absolute madness, unexplainable through visual aspects, of the chaos and sheer hope in my mind daily, or the fact that a man rose from the dead. Literally. Not subjectively, but true. God is real. To me, it’s about as unreal as the moon being hot. I don’t understand what I do. The things I want to do, I don’t do. The things I don’t want to do, I do. The mind is WAR… I haven’t done a personal entry in a while.

I can’t really recall all of the last few months. It’s been very good, and very bad. More so, I think the better word is stability now. Or not. But then I get stricken with fear, wondering if once I say that, it’ll just be more chaos and turmoil.

No answers received nor I can give

I can reach for any vanity; gaming, music, content creation, reading, writing, and concerning prayer and spiritual matters it’s these times I have no unction nor desire to pray to God or read words that are to me cold orthodoxy and utterly insufferable.
God forbid you have access to Him and His Word and what do you get? Darkness, despair and incurable emotional and mental pain along with mental crucifixion.
The True God of the universe if I wasn’t such a coward and the fear of damnation I would utterly off myself I would make it to where the body couldn’t be found so there’s no ashes and further money wasted for any burial and my request would have no open wake because me probably being in hell would probably rage all the more that now I’m “missed” when on my time alive here on earth I couldn’t understand why anyone in the absolute hell would want me here.
I’m not worth loving nor do I understand it and my core being is the object of such affront and sin to creation itself that devils laugh when I’m awake and angels mourn.
Yea such is the case in my reasoning.

Out of the Temple of Aphrodite: Corinthian Shame Culture, Ancient Idolatry, and the Modern Debased Mind

To understand the weight of Paul’s words to the Corinthian church, you have to understand what Corinth actually was. This was not an ordinary Greco-Roman city with an ordinary amount of vice. Corinth had a reputation across the entire ancient Mediterranean world — the Greek verb korinthiazomai, “to Corinthianize,” literally meant to fornicate, to live debauched. That’s not a modern reading imposed backward onto the text; that’s a word that existed in the common vocabulary of the ancient world before Paul ever set foot there. Aristophanes used it centuries earlier. A city had become synonymous with sexual excess so thoroughly that its name turned into a verb for it.

Resentment

(Entry from yesterday.) If there was no hell I’d blow myself up, along with nobody with me. The only casualty is me and it’s not actually a casualty just a liability that’s been severed from this earth. If my experience with God is such so I don’t want heaven with him im not worthy in the first place and the thought of hell I can’t bear the work. Just let me die already

The Chronicles book 4 “the fall” of him – the question they should’ve never asked

**Ezekiel 28:13,15 (ESV)**

“You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering… You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you.”

Case Study: The Affliction-Assurance Complex

A Journal Entry Examined Hope in Madness — Clinical-Theological Case Series AI is obviously not a MD or a therapist but it has knowledge so I’ll use myself as a case lab rat of the writings that I do. I think it’ll help me understand myself even with the four horsemen coming closer every day […]

Contempt for the poor ®

I can’t forget how when I worked at sprouts there was a homeless man outside w/ mental affliction he would walk in circles and we would talk about our similar struggles. Hearing voices and the torment of it and the meds not helping him

I saw people day in and day out entering that store mock that man and gossip about his condition spending insufferable amounts of dollars on groceries. (Some not all by any means.)

The thought struck me that most of these attend church, the Saturday spent mocking this man the next day lifting hands in praise. I wonder on that day how many that held the poor in contempt will lift their eyes in hell the same people they looked down upon now in glory above them with Jesus.

Now asking them for water when they didn’t give a drop or a morsel to them. Sermon after sermon you heard and Christ didn’t dwell in your hearts and you despised the poor man that was far from any religion you thought you would never make it and wrote off. But now how the tables have turned.

Their condemnation is just.

**Ezekiel 8:18 (ESV)**

“Therefore I will act in wrath. My eye will not spare, nor will I have pity. And though they cry in my ears with a loud voice, I will not hear them.”

**Luke 16:24 (ESV)**

“And he called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.'”

**Matthew 25:42–43 (ESV)**

“For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.”

**James 2:3 (ESV)**

“and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, ‘You sit here in a good place,’ while you say to the poor man, ‘You stand over there,’ or, ‘Sit down at my feet,'”

**Proverbs 17:5 (ESV)**

“Whoever mocks the poor insults his Maker; he who is glad at calamity will not go unpunished.”

I wonder on that day if those people will see that man from sprouts and remember.

A terrifying night of a woven fabric of affliction

Around 3AM a year and a half ago alone desolate and forsaken by God in my mind. Had been hard to edit recalling how awful these moments were there are prob spell errors so be it. the promises of God in this night were dead to me just like mice gorging on my imagined lifeless corpse utterly dead and the soul in hell and the body totally rotten.

Where is the debater of this age? God has made foolish the wisdom of this world.

A Strong Word Before We Begin If you have ever walked away from a conversation about God feeling out-argued, embarrassed, or quietly afraid that the “smart people” have figured something out that leaves your faith looking naïve—this piece is for you. The aim here is not to help you win arguments or consign anyone to […]

THE LAW OF EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE

The opening narration of the series, spoken by Alphonse Elric, codifies this in language that has become iconic: “Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world’s one, and only truth.”