Hidden When Obedient Wrath When Disobedient

““Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning. “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not […]

Better Weak Than Strong

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, […]

Fearful of Death & Loathing Life

It only gets worse, I’m not done with Christ but I’m done with me. I think I’m improving and then another trial comes with despair of salvation. Feeling condemned because I don’t want to open up the Bible, so vanity and worldly things full my mind. If I read or not I feel condemned either […]

Relational OCD & Despair

It’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]

Ailments that helped lead to Salvation

Romans says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭ Now I can choose to believe that or make up my own loopholes for that verse, in my heart I’ve questioned if the only […]

Misery in Obedience Convinced in Omission

I’ve been convicted of not obeying God as I’ve felt The Holy Spirit has been telling me to, I have continually heard: “I want you to let go of gaming.” In my head over and over the last year or so, and my soul sinks within every time I hear it. Though I try to […]

Contentment in Others, Grief Within.

Last Sunday I was with a brother at church and when I asked if he was seeing anybody he said he’s enjoying this single season with The Lord and I could see he was filled with genuine joy and I was happy for him. It’s not that I was envying him I truly was glad, […]

Darkness has become my companion

I’m grateful The Lord gave me this new job, it has been around a year since I’ve been able to work from the psychologist spiritual trauma of the past years. I tried to kill myself twice these past 2 years, sometimes I wish it worked. Other times I don’t. I suppose as of late I […]

Tragedy

I don’t even know what to type anymore, all I do is complain. I’m so sick of living this futile life, if only God can wipe me out. I hate the things I think about, I don’t believe God has kind thoughts towards me it can’t be. I keep imagining my dead body somewhere, the […]

Selfish but desirable

Judas Iscariot (the one who betrayed Jesus) has been in hell the past 2,000 years. And that makes me tremble and grieves my heart. He was called “A SON OF DESTRUCTION” and he was a thief and though he followed Jesus He didn’t actually believe in Him. After trading him for 30 pieces of silver […]