“My heart is in anguish within me; the horrors of death have fallen upon me.”
Psalm 55:4 ESV
This is a night of doubt and terror in my soul, my heart has been stricken wondering if I’m real or reprobate. From what scripture speaks the gate is so narrow and few find eternal life, yet when I look at the lust in my heart and sin I truly wonder if I’m deceived or not.
Also the verse where it says if you don’t forgive others of their sins against you your Heavenly Father will not forgive you of your sins and I am afraid somewhere in my heart I am harboring bitterness and unforgiveness, actually how can I know that I am not? Along with other conflicting passages that seem to point that the christian can lose their salvation because of sin but Jesus said He wont cast out anyone that comes to Him.
I can only cry out for the mercy of Jesus and His Blood, on nights like these worship music is very helpful to comfort my soul. The flames of hell are never quenched and my heart is not as rest, if I be thrown into that dreadful place how can I contend with The Lord? God have mercy on my soul.
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 