Hope in madness.

I don’t know what I’m more astonished at: the absolute madness, unexplainable through visual aspects, of the chaos and sheer hope in my mind daily, or the fact that a man rose from the dead. Literally. Not subjectively, but true. God is real. To me, it’s about as unreal as the moon being hot. I don’t understand what I do. The things I want to do, I don’t do. The things I don’t want to do, I do. The mind is WAR… I haven’t done a personal entry in a while.

I can’t really recall all of the last few months. It’s been very good, and very bad. More so, I think the better word is stability now. Or not. But then I get stricken with fear, wondering if once I say that, it’ll just be more chaos and turmoil.

THE CHRONICLES Book Eight – the man who sought to disprove God

‘The resurrection is his favorite target,” Resha said. “He says the accounts contradict, so it cannot be history. He says the earliest gospel ends with the women running away afraid and no risen Christ at all, and everything after was added by the church to sell the story. He says it in fifty-five seconds with a cut every three seconds and music underneath, and they believe himạỊạ
“He talks about church history too,” Rimmah said. “The crusades. The inquisitions. The witch trials. Every pastor who was ever caught with his hand in the offering plate or worse. He does a whole series called Receipts. He puts the date on the screen and the name of the scandal and says, This is your church. This is what your God’s people do.i
“Some of it is true,” the Devil said.
“Some of it is true,” Resha agreed. “That is the beauty of it. We do not have to invent much. They have given us plenty. We only have to make sure he presents it as though it were the whole story, and as though the Carpenter were the one holding the torch at every burning.”

Epistles to America letter #2 a call of justice for the abused

A Call to Justice
This letter concerns the abuse of a minor by a minister of the church, and the silencing of those he harmed. It names no church and no person. It is not Scripture, not prophecy, and adds nothing to the Word of God. Resources for reporting abuse are listed at the end.
A servant of Jesus Christ, and a sojourner, to the church that still sits under a man who should not stand before it; and to that man, a deacon and a worker among the youth, caught in transgressions and still unrepentant; and first of all, to every soul who has been wounded by a man who wore the robes of religion: the Lord sees you.

No answers received nor I can give

I can reach for any vanity; gaming, music, content creation, reading, writing, and concerning prayer and spiritual matters it’s these times I have no unction nor desire to pray to God or read words that are to me cold orthodoxy and utterly insufferable.
God forbid you have access to Him and His Word and what do you get? Darkness, despair and incurable emotional and mental pain along with mental crucifixion.
The True God of the universe if I wasn’t such a coward and the fear of damnation I would utterly off myself I would make it to where the body couldn’t be found so there’s no ashes and further money wasted for any burial and my request would have no open wake because me probably being in hell would probably rage all the more that now I’m “missed” when on my time alive here on earth I couldn’t understand why anyone in the absolute hell would want me here.
I’m not worth loving nor do I understand it and my core being is the object of such affront and sin to creation itself that devils laugh when I’m awake and angels mourn.
Yea such is the case in my reasoning.

Out of the Temple of Aphrodite: Corinthian Shame Culture, Ancient Idolatry, and the Modern Debased Mind

To understand the weight of Paul’s words to the Corinthian church, you have to understand what Corinth actually was. This was not an ordinary Greco-Roman city with an ordinary amount of vice. Corinth had a reputation across the entire ancient Mediterranean world — the Greek verb korinthiazomai, “to Corinthianize,” literally meant to fornicate, to live debauched. That’s not a modern reading imposed backward onto the text; that’s a word that existed in the common vocabulary of the ancient world before Paul ever set foot there. Aristophanes used it centuries earlier. A city had become synonymous with sexual excess so thoroughly that its name turned into a verb for it.

Resentment

(Entry from yesterday.) If there was no hell I’d blow myself up, along with nobody with me. The only casualty is me and it’s not actually a casualty just a liability that’s been severed from this earth. If my experience with God is such so I don’t want heaven with him im not worthy in the first place and the thought of hell I can’t bear the work. Just let me die already

Case Study: The Affliction-Assurance Complex

A Journal Entry Examined Hope in Madness — Clinical-Theological Case Series AI is obviously not a MD or a therapist but it has knowledge so I’ll use myself as a case lab rat of the writings that I do. I think it’ll help me understand myself even with the four horsemen coming closer every day […]

A terrifying night of a woven fabric of affliction

Around 3AM a year and a half ago alone desolate and forsaken by God in my mind. Had been hard to edit recalling how awful these moments were there are prob spell errors so be it. the promises of God in this night were dead to me just like mice gorging on my imagined lifeless corpse utterly dead and the soul in hell and the body totally rotten.

Where is the debater of this age? God has made foolish the wisdom of this world.

A Strong Word Before We Begin If you have ever walked away from a conversation about God feeling out-argued, embarrassed, or quietly afraid that the “smart people” have figured something out that leaves your faith looking naïve—this piece is for you. The aim here is not to help you win arguments or consign anyone to […]

THE LAW OF EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE

The opening narration of the series, spoken by Alphonse Elric, codifies this in language that has become iconic: “Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is alchemy’s first law of Equivalent Exchange. In those days, we really believed that to be the world’s one, and only truth.”