Seeking a Sign

I Recently got diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) (an autoimmune disease that eats away at the protective nerves and causes nerve damage.) Truly I cannot thank Jesus enough for it being caught early and to give me answers to why I’m so tired all the time/ fatigued. The doctor started me on medication to help […]

More Knowledge is More Sorrow

As of late if I’m not anxious I’m sad and when I’m anxious I’m sad, but the worse is when its both, I can barely feel the presence of God and the comfort of The Holy Spirit. My eyes are wasting away from grief and pain. As a wise man of God said: “If one […]

Misery in Obedience Convinced in Omission

I’ve been convicted of not obeying God as I’ve felt The Holy Spirit has been telling me to, I have continually heard: “I want you to let go of gaming.” In my head over and over the last year or so, and my soul sinks within every time I hear it. Though I try to […]

The Razor Guarding my Heel is nothing compared to the One on my Heart

Cut myself yesterday, the tears hurt me more than the cuts. I suppose because I didn’t feel the presence of God one bit, it says He’s near to the Broken Hearted but this comfort is foreign to me as of late. So I wept alone in my car alone on my break at work… I […]

Ironic Laments

It’s the same story, the same complaints. What can I say that I haven’t before? I’ve had to force myself to stop being angry because I’ll end up spiraling out and try to kill myself again. I love how God forms other Christians in their mother’s womb and they aren’t born with any mental illness. […]

Nobody like her

I don’t know what to even say, I feel like a husk of a man. Like the disregarded kernels of corn, my thoughts are vacant and dimly lit, it’s like The Holy Spirit is barely shining through closed curtains in me. That’s the only light I have, though it’s as if He has departed from […]

Contentment in Others, Grief Within.

Last Sunday I was with a brother at church and when I asked if he was seeing anybody he said he’s enjoying this single season with The Lord and I could see he was filled with genuine joy and I was happy for him. It’s not that I was envying him I truly was glad, […]

Darkness has become my companion

I’m grateful The Lord gave me this new job, it has been around a year since I’ve been able to work from the psychologist spiritual trauma of the past years. I tried to kill myself twice these past 2 years, sometimes I wish it worked. Other times I don’t. I suppose as of late I […]

Doubt

I’m so grieved for humanity. When I walk in public I wonder how many people are saved? I almost want to give up on evangelism the people I do try don’t care. People young my age in their early 20’s are running headlong into all sorts of iniquity and sin and don’t care about their […]

Tragedy

I don’t even know what to type anymore, all I do is complain. I’m so sick of living this futile life, if only God can wipe me out. I hate the things I think about, I don’t believe God has kind thoughts towards me it can’t be. I keep imagining my dead body somewhere, the […]