The Mind is War

I try so hard to rest in His Grace but it’s as if I’m walking on thorns and thistles. Always telling people I’m fine and the same with the brethren, because it if I vented how I really felt it would just weigh someone down. Feeling like a 90 year old man from ms and […]

The Beginning of The End or The End of What Never Began

If I would say that The Lord hasn’t been kind I would be labeled a liar more than any man, I’m grateful for my doctors that have been helping with the MS Treatment, I have been pursuing starting a clothing brand of HopeInMadnesss and it being shirt streetwear w/ Christian/Y2k style etc… I went on […]

What Is Madness/Religious OCD (Updated)

My first blog post was explaining what the purpose of this blog is and what madness was namely Scrupulosity also in more ancient times called in Religious Melancholy and in more modern medical clinical terms: “Religious OCD” Concerning my blog: however I’ve learned more since then and wanted to expound more on this and post […]

Hidden When Obedient Wrath When Disobedient

““Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning. “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not […]

Dejection Of Life

I’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]

I can’t go on. I must go on.

How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, […]

No Rest

I’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]

Better Weak Than Strong

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, […]

Freedom

I’ve been processing so much since my last blog, there’s been so much liberty and restoration. I had backslidden quite heavy in 2024 and was becoming lukewarm, mainly in the areas of making gaming an idol and lust especially. By Gods Grace I was kept away from looking upon unspeakable things but that doesn’t excuse […]

Relational OCD & Despair

It’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]