Better Weak Than Strong

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, […]

Speaking what’s Precious not Worthless

I haven’t been in the scriptures much lately, however last night I was desperate for a word from God because in these certain seasons my mind runs wild concerning scripture and I’ll feel condemned when reading a verse or hearing sermons. So in my heart I asked God to show me something, even if it’s […]

Fearful of Death & Loathing Life

It only gets worse, I’m not done with Christ but I’m done with me. I think I’m improving and then another trial comes with despair of salvation. Feeling condemned because I don’t want to open up the Bible, so vanity and worldly things full my mind. If I read or not I feel condemned either […]

Descent into Darkness & The Steadfast Love of The Lord

An angel could come from heaven and tell me that I’m not headed for hell and I probably wouldn’t believe it, it would take Christ to physically step out of heaven once again and talk to me face to face to comfort my soul. A perverse generation asks for a sign but I’m befit of […]

Relational OCD & Despair

It’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]

Ailments that helped lead to Salvation

Romans says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”‭‭Romans‬ ‭8‬:‭28‬ ‭ Now I can choose to believe that or make up my own loopholes for that verse, in my heart I’ve questioned if the only […]

More Knowledge is More Sorrow

As of late if I’m not anxious I’m sad and when I’m anxious I’m sad, but the worse is when its both, I can barely feel the presence of God and the comfort of The Holy Spirit. My eyes are wasting away from grief and pain. As a wise man of God said: “If one […]

Misery in Obedience Convinced in Omission

I’ve been convicted of not obeying God as I’ve felt The Holy Spirit has been telling me to, I have continually heard: “I want you to let go of gaming.” In my head over and over the last year or so, and my soul sinks within every time I hear it. Though I try to […]

The Razor Guarding my Heel is nothing compared to the One on my Heart

Cut myself yesterday, the tears hurt me more than the cuts. I suppose because I didn’t feel the presence of God one bit, it says He’s near to the Broken Hearted but this comfort is foreign to me as of late. So I wept alone in my car alone on my break at work… I […]

Ironic Laments

It’s the same story, the same complaints. What can I say that I haven’t before? I’ve had to force myself to stop being angry because I’ll end up spiraling out and try to kill myself again. I love how God forms other Christians in their mother’s womb and they aren’t born with any mental illness. […]