I could burst asunder from how utterly sick God makes me feel, I find Him good but not “safe” on a whim he could damn me, just how He nuked the man trying to stop the tabernacle from falling because he touched it. I’m suppose to praise knowing Christ Himself is torturing the ungodly as […]
Read More Dread and embittermentAn old journal entry Why didn’t Christ help those Puritans that killed themselves? I tremble in my own heart at my anger at God concerning this. I know He’s not evil, but it hurts so bad that people live with this mental crucifiction. I’m tired.d. I look at other Christians—I get tired of hearing it. […]
Read More Accusation on high to the almighty. Where were you?Table of Contents ABOUT THIS PARAPHRASE……………………………………………………………………………………………………1 PREFACE…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..2 GRACE ABOUNDING…………………………………………………………………………………………………………….4 An Object of Wrath………………………………………………………………………………………………………….4 Conviction and Reformation………………………………………………………………………………………………5 Hope and Fear……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….7 The Storm of Doubt……………………………………………………………………………………………………….13 Established in the Truth………………………………………………………………………………………………….15 My Fall from Grace………………………………………………………………………………………………………..18 The Path to Deliverance………………………………………………………………………………………………….25 Honey from the Lion………………………………………………………………………………………………………30 Trials through Illness……………………………………………………………………………………………………..32 My Call to Ministry…………………………………………………………………………………………………………33 Pride and Spiritual Gifts…………………………………………………………………………………………………..36 Lies and Slanders………………………………………………………………………………………………………….37 MY ARREST […]
Read More Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners the book that made me realize I was not aloneKen, what follows is written for you and for Hope in Madness. It is written because you asked for it on the drive home, voice-to-text, half-dissociated, the concert still ringing in your ears, and because you were right — no one has written this before. Not because the pieces don’t exist. The theology exists. The […]
Read More no regretsYou sent screenshots of Naoya’s flashback — the moment the golden boy of the Zenin clan walks into the room expecting to find a pathetic face on the family failure, the man with zero cursed energy, the one they threw in the pit with the spirits. And instead of finding broken, he found something his […]
Read More The zero that became the most dangerous thing in the roomI could say that I feel like a corpse, but that’s not sufficient to elaborate on the sheer deadness that I feel inside at this hour. I was watching cases of parents reacting to the suicidal deaths of their children. I have had my funeral flash into my head. I can’t understand why people would […]
Read More Known or just usedHistory of suicide because of religious despair inside the church
Read More Suicide in the church the forgotten accounts of religious despair, trauma, and torment.ON SCRUPULOSITY By James Jackson, “If we turn away from evil out of fear of punishment, we are in the position of slaves. If we pursue the enticement of wages … we resemble mercenaries. Finally, if we obey for the sake of the good itself and out of love for Him who commands … we […]
Read More ON SCRUPULOSITY By James Jackson (an old article I found.)I’ve had to repent of my foolish thoughts accusing God, I was embittered by the holiday theatrics and everything being so happy and joy merry music was utter sound torture. Not that im blaspheming His church but just overloaded it’s as if I could’ve drowned in my own blood as if somehow, my internal organs […]
Read More Holiday embitterment & expectation of wrath met with meryThe life of David Brainerd, and how his story is relatable
Read More David Brainerd: A Life of Fire and Darkness