I’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]
Read More Dejection Of LifeA few days ago I was about to take a nap and I imagined myself being at the bottom of the ocean, for some reason at times I imagine this and it utterly terrifies me. The pitch blackness and vastly unaware of what’s going on if I were to be down there. And then another […]
Read More Outer DarknessWe had a night of worship Tuesday, the topic was surrender. The Christian life is all about surrender and repentance we indeed have to put to death the deeds of the body and live holy for Christ. However I find myself getting stuck with a legalistic approach with this, I’ll obsess over killing sin to […]
Read More SurrenderCouldn’t bring myself to barely rise from bed today, I even missed the morning Bible study with the brethren. Lordwilling I can see the brethren tomorrow for church (I typed this yesterday unfortunately I missed church.) if I were to speak from my heart I truly have no hope. Heaven or Hell? Who knows, I’m […]
Read More Scarcely SavedI’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]
Read More No Rest
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 