Self Hate.

It’s always been easy to look for the best in others and the worst in myself. It hasn’t changed much over the years, my coping method is to simply not think about myself. I wouldn’t even call it coping but simply suppressing, in a way I don’t want to be me yet I don’t want […]

Waiting For The End

When I was in Jr.High I was playing tap tap revenge in my moms car and there was a song called “WAITING FOR THE END.” By Lincoln Park (I don’t recall if I knew about the band.) I played that song on that app everyday I for some reason felt the pain in the song, […]

The high and the painful sunset

There’s many misconceptions about bipolar, if someone suddenly changes moods that’s typically not always the main symptom. It’s highs and lows I liken the “HIGH” to a strong sense of euphoria (rush of happiness and joy.) I tend to get this high and rush around afternoon and evening, it feels good (they call that mania) […]

Anguish of the soul

Job Chapter 7: “Therefore I will not refrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit I will complain in the bitterness of my soul. When I say: My bed shall comfort me, My couch shall ease my complaint; Then thou scares me with dreams And terrifies me through visions: So that […]

Conflicting Thoughts

I read in an article that the author was always obsessed over the warning passages of Scripture and every verse about unbelievers applied to her. I understood her completely, it’s as if I could meditate on these dreadful passages with no sense of assurance myself. Like holding a bomb you don’t know will detonate, in […]

Carelessness

I saw research from Karolinska Institute showing that OCD patients are 10 times more likely to commit suicide. As I’ve mentioned before the term ocd is used so loosely that such research can be shocking. Concerning my life before I was saved when I was around 19-20 I recall my desire was to die before […]

What is madness?

Madness means to be mentally ill or insanity itself (doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result.) I chose this blog “HOPE IN MADNESS” so I can shed awareness on OCD and Scrupulosity or “religious OCD” which I cannot think of a worse mental torment for a human being to suffer. The […]