I don’t want it to leave

I stayed up all night, I was restless in bed. I’m running on about 1 hour right now. I feel no doubt of salvation, no sadness, pain, nor anger. Those who’ve hurt me I hear no grudge against. I pray that the most wicked men repent and turn to Christ. I don’t want it to […]

Nobody like her

I don’t know what to even say, I feel like a husk of a man. Like the disregarded kernels of corn, my thoughts are vacant and dimly lit, it’s like The Holy Spirit is barely shining through closed curtains in me. That’s the only light I have, though it’s as if He has departed from […]

Contentment in Others, Grief Within.

Last Sunday I was with a brother at church and when I asked if he was seeing anybody he said he’s enjoying this single season with The Lord and I could see he was filled with genuine joy and I was happy for him. It’s not that I was envying him I truly was glad, […]

Darkness has become my companion

I’m grateful The Lord gave me this new job, it has been around a year since I’ve been able to work from the psychologist spiritual trauma of the past years. I tried to kill myself twice these past 2 years, sometimes I wish it worked. Other times I don’t. I suppose as of late I […]

Doubt

I’m so grieved for humanity. When I walk in public I wonder how many people are saved? I almost want to give up on evangelism the people I do try don’t care. People young my age in their early 20’s are running headlong into all sorts of iniquity and sin and don’t care about their […]

Tragedy

I don’t even know what to type anymore, all I do is complain. I’m so sick of living this futile life, if only God can wipe me out. I hate the things I think about, I don’t believe God has kind thoughts towards me it can’t be. I keep imagining my dead body somewhere, the […]

Selfish but desirable

Judas Iscariot (the one who betrayed Jesus) has been in hell the past 2,000 years. And that makes me tremble and grieves my heart. He was called “A SON OF DESTRUCTION” and he was a thief and though he followed Jesus He didn’t actually believe in Him. After trading him for 30 pieces of silver […]

My Flaws burn

As of late God has been hidden from me, I’m weary of reading and praying when it feels like the door is shut in my face, everyday has been a bleak darkness. Feels like I’m barely awake, slowly fading. My eyes are open but are closing as is. My days are full of darkness, and […]

Deceitful Heart

I’ve been praying earnestly that my heart doesn’t harden, though I know it’s satan lying to me and my own wicked heart I’ve been imagining God as this evil God who is ready to throw his creation into hell. Or wondering why the fall every happened and why let humanity continue if there were going […]

Futility and darkness

Job talked about how his days are swift and spent on futility and darkness. What is my life? I have everything I need but every single day I’m showered with doubt and the flames of hell are ever before my conscience. It’s not even that I want it to be I want to believe the […]