I can’t go on. I must go on.

How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, […]

No Rest

I’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]

Merciful Rebuke

I was convicted about a besetting sin in my life and the verse from the psalms that says: “Don’t rebuke me in your wrath!” came to mind. David (the writer) is knowing that he deserves divine discipline but he is asking for mercy and leniency. Have you felt the blows from the carpenter for rebuke […]

Better Weak Than Strong

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, […]

Freedom

I’ve been processing so much since my last blog, there’s been so much liberty and restoration. I had backslidden quite heavy in 2024 and was becoming lukewarm, mainly in the areas of making gaming an idol and lust especially. By Gods Grace I was kept away from looking upon unspeakable things but that doesn’t excuse […]

Speaking what’s Precious not Worthless

I haven’t been in the scriptures much lately, however last night I was desperate for a word from God because in these certain seasons my mind runs wild concerning scripture and I’ll feel condemned when reading a verse or hearing sermons. So in my heart I asked God to show me something, even if it’s […]

Fearful of Death & Loathing Life

It only gets worse, I’m not done with Christ but I’m done with me. I think I’m improving and then another trial comes with despair of salvation. Feeling condemned because I don’t want to open up the Bible, so vanity and worldly things full my mind. If I read or not I feel condemned either […]

Descent into Darkness & The Steadfast Love of The Lord

An angel could come from heaven and tell me that I’m not headed for hell and I probably wouldn’t believe it, it would take Christ to physically step out of heaven once again and talk to me face to face to comfort my soul. A perverse generation asks for a sign but I’m befit of […]

Relational OCD & Despair

It’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]

Heartfelt

Haven’t blogged in awhile, there’s been so much on my mind I’m still trying to understand myself what’s going on, thankfully God knows and The Holy Ghost intercedes with groaning too deep for words. I know God has called me to speak His Word, I don’t wanna do it, would rather just stay in the […]