Dejection Of Life

I’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]

Outer Darkness

A few days ago I was about to take a nap and I imagined myself being at the bottom of the ocean, for some reason at times I imagine this and it utterly terrifies me. The pitch blackness and vastly unaware of what’s going on if I were to be down there. And then another […]

Surrender

We had a night of worship Tuesday, the topic was surrender. The Christian life is all about surrender and repentance we indeed have to put to death the deeds of the body and live holy for Christ. However I find myself getting stuck with a legalistic approach with this, I’ll obsess over killing sin to […]

Scarcely Saved

Couldn’t bring myself to barely rise from bed today, I even missed the morning Bible study with the brethren. Lordwilling I can see the brethren tomorrow for church (I typed this yesterday unfortunately I missed church.) if I were to speak from my heart I truly have no hope. Heaven or Hell? Who knows, I’m […]

I can’t go on. I must go on.

How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, […]

No Rest

I’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]

A Covenant With My Eyes

Lust has been a continually sin I have to specifically die to everyday, my flesh and the devil tempt me all the day concerning it especially at my job to gaze upon women with lustful intent. Confessions of trials and sin leads to healing and victory. So I want to go on this journey on […]

Close To Me Far From Me

Last night and today is where my soul feels vacant, Christs seems to be distant yet His Word says He’s always near. I mourn over the fact that I seem to have all the right things to say yet there’s apart of me that struggles to believe it myself and I’m left feeling like a […]

Better Weak Than Strong

“So to keep me from becoming conceited because of the surpassing greatness of the revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, […]

Freedom

I’ve been processing so much since my last blog, there’s been so much liberty and restoration. I had backslidden quite heavy in 2024 and was becoming lukewarm, mainly in the areas of making gaming an idol and lust especially. By Gods Grace I was kept away from looking upon unspeakable things but that doesn’t excuse […]