It only gets worse, I’m not done with Christ but I’m done with me. I think I’m improving and then another trial comes with despair of salvation. Feeling condemned because I don’t want to open up the Bible, so vanity and worldly things full my mind. If I read or not I feel condemned either […]
Read More Fearful of Death & Loathing LifeAn angel could come from heaven and tell me that I’m not headed for hell and I probably wouldn’t believe it, it would take Christ to physically step out of heaven once again and talk to me face to face to comfort my soul. A perverse generation asks for a sign but I’m befit of […]
Read More Descent into Darkness & The Steadfast Love of The LordIt’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]
Read More Relational OCD & DespairHaven’t blogged in awhile, there’s been so much on my mind I’m still trying to understand myself what’s going on, thankfully God knows and The Holy Ghost intercedes with groaning too deep for words. I know God has called me to speak His Word, I don’t wanna do it, would rather just stay in the […]
Read More HeartfeltRomans says: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”Romans 8:28 Now I can choose to believe that or make up my own loopholes for that verse, in my heart I’ve questioned if the only […]
Read More Ailments that helped lead to SalvationAs of late if I’m not anxious I’m sad and when I’m anxious I’m sad, but the worse is when its both, I can barely feel the presence of God and the comfort of The Holy Spirit. My eyes are wasting away from grief and pain. As a wise man of God said: “If one […]
Read More More Knowledge is More SorrowI’ve been convicted of not obeying God as I’ve felt The Holy Spirit has been telling me to, I have continually heard: “I want you to let go of gaming.” In my head over and over the last year or so, and my soul sinks within every time I hear it. Though I try to […]
Read More Misery in Obedience Convinced in OmissionCut myself yesterday, the tears hurt me more than the cuts. I suppose because I didn’t feel the presence of God one bit, it says He’s near to the Broken Hearted but this comfort is foreign to me as of late. So I wept alone in my car alone on my break at work… I […]
Read More The Razor Guarding my Heel is nothing compared to the One on my HeartIt’s the same story, the same complaints. What can I say that I haven’t before? I’ve had to force myself to stop being angry because I’ll end up spiraling out and try to kill myself again. I love how God forms other Christians in their mother’s womb and they aren’t born with any mental illness. […]
Read More Ironic LamentsI don’t know what to even say, I feel like a husk of a man. Like the disregarded kernels of corn, my thoughts are vacant and dimly lit, it’s like The Holy Spirit is barely shining through closed curtains in me. That’s the only light I have, though it’s as if He has departed from […]
Read More Nobody like her
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 