I try so hard to rest in His Grace but it’s as if I’m walking on thorns and thistles. Always telling people I’m fine and the same with the brethren, because it if I vented how I really felt it would just weigh someone down. Feeling like a 90 year old man from ms and […]
Read More The Mind is WarIf I would say that The Lord hasn’t been kind I would be labeled a liar more than any man, I’m grateful for my doctors that have been helping with the MS Treatment, I have been pursuing starting a clothing brand of HopeInMadnesss and it being shirt streetwear w/ Christian/Y2k style etc… I went on […]
Read More The Beginning of The End or The End of What Never BeganMy first blog post was explaining what the purpose of this blog is and what madness was namely Scrupulosity also in more ancient times called in Religious Melancholy and in more modern medical clinical terms: “Religious OCD” Concerning my blog: however I’ve learned more since then and wanted to expound more on this and post […]
Read More What Is Madness/Religious OCD (Updated)““Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning. “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not […]
Read More Hidden When Obedient Wrath When DisobedientYesterday in despair and as my mind was racing I heard in my head: “I’ve seen you at your highest and lowest.” I can only attribute it to The Lord, my countenance falls so easily because of my sin. I have the accuser on one hand whispering his lies and a condemnatory conscience on the […]
Read More I Saw YouI’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]
Read More Dejection Of LifeA few days ago I was about to take a nap and I imagined myself being at the bottom of the ocean, for some reason at times I imagine this and it utterly terrifies me. The pitch blackness and vastly unaware of what’s going on if I were to be down there. And then another […]
Read More Outer DarknessWe had a night of worship Tuesday, the topic was surrender. The Christian life is all about surrender and repentance we indeed have to put to death the deeds of the body and live holy for Christ. However I find myself getting stuck with a legalistic approach with this, I’ll obsess over killing sin to […]
Read More SurrenderHow long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, […]
Read More I can’t go on. I must go on.I’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]
Read More No Rest
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 