I’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]
Read More Dejection Of LifeA few days ago I was about to take a nap and I imagined myself being at the bottom of the ocean, for some reason at times I imagine this and it utterly terrifies me. The pitch blackness and vastly unaware of what’s going on if I were to be down there. And then another […]
Read More Outer DarknessWe had a night of worship Tuesday, the topic was surrender. The Christian life is all about surrender and repentance we indeed have to put to death the deeds of the body and live holy for Christ. However I find myself getting stuck with a legalistic approach with this, I’ll obsess over killing sin to […]
Read More SurrenderCouldn’t bring myself to barely rise from bed today, I even missed the morning Bible study with the brethren. Lordwilling I can see the brethren tomorrow for church (I typed this yesterday unfortunately I missed church.) if I were to speak from my heart I truly have no hope. Heaven or Hell? Who knows, I’m […]
Read More Scarcely SavedI’m glad I went to see the brethren at church this morning last night the horrors of hell seized upon me but in the morning the sun rose and so did Gods people that comforted my weary soul. The sermon was on the story of Balaam and Balak, Balaam was hired by Balak to curse […]
Read More Destroying Satan’s ThroneHow long will you hide your face from me? How long must I take counsel in my soul and have sorrow in my heart all the day? How long shall my enemy be exalted over me? Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, […]
Read More I can’t go on. I must go on.I’m consumed with embitterment, if I could cut myself into bits I would. How long Lord? I try so hard to toil for the gospel and then I’m reminded about my sin and I fall into such despondency and despair and unworthiness and fear creeps and then of course I start wondering if I’m damned […]
Read More No RestTruly I tell you I want to give it all to Christ and His Kingdom, I grind my teeth and try so hard. I don’t want intellectual knowledge of the gospel but to have companionship with Christ. I don’t know what to do, I know my life isn’t my own and anything I’ve been given […]
Read More PowerLust has been a continually sin I have to specifically die to everyday, my flesh and the devil tempt me all the day concerning it especially at my job to gaze upon women with lustful intent. Confessions of trials and sin leads to healing and victory. So I want to go on this journey on […]
Read More A Covenant With My EyesI was convicted about a besetting sin in my life and the verse from the psalms that says: “Don’t rebuke me in your wrath!” came to mind. David (the writer) is knowing that he deserves divine discipline but he is asking for mercy and leniency. Have you felt the blows from the carpenter for rebuke […]
Read More Merciful Rebuke
MY STORY OF RELIGIOUS OCD 