Numerous words of foolish counsel and creative ruin of the mind in the pursuit of the gospel

God it seems has rekindled my passion for editing again as of late. I’ll be up nights consumed with ideas for the gospel and the ministry, I went hard for the world when I lived for it so I may as well for the gospel is Jesus not worthy? I started recording videos for the […]

The appointed time has grown shorter than before

The view was pleasant while getting my monthly infusion the other day. Gods creation never ceases to amaze me some days, other days I’ll disregard it. I have been stepping out recording again, videos for the gospel. I cringe and wince at the fact of calling it “preaching” so to ease my conscience I tell […]

The Mind is War

I try so hard to rest in His Grace but it’s as if I’m walking on thorns and thistles. Always telling people I’m fine and the same with the brethren, because it if I vented how I really felt it would just weigh someone down. Feeling like a 90 year old man from ms and […]

The Beginning of The End or The End of What Never Began

If I would say that The Lord hasn’t been kind I would be labeled a liar more than any man, I’m grateful for my doctors that have been helping with the MS Treatment, I have been pursuing starting a clothing brand of HopeInMadnesss and it being shirt streetwear w/ Christian/Y2k style etc… I went on […]

What Is Madness/Religious OCD (Updated)

My first blog post was explaining what the purpose of this blog is and what madness was namely Scrupulosity also in more ancient times called in Religious Melancholy and in more modern medical clinical terms: “Religious OCD” Concerning my blog: however I’ve learned more since then and wanted to expound more on this and post […]

Hidden When Obedient Wrath When Disobedient

““Today also my complaint is bitter; my hand is heavy on account of my groaning. “Behold, I go forward, but he is not there, and backward, but I do not perceive him; on the left hand when he is working, I do not behold him; he turns to the right hand, but I do not […]

I Saw You

Yesterday in despair and as my mind was racing I heard in my head: “I’ve seen you at your highest and lowest.” I can only attribute it to The Lord, my countenance falls so easily because of my sin. I have the accuser on one hand whispering his lies and a condemnatory conscience on the […]

Dejection Of Life

I’m too afraid to kill myself but if I could utterly destroy myself I would, why did I have to be born? God why? Why am I even here on this earth, so many words but such little power and yet lately it’s as if The Holy Spirit has departed I find myself falling into […]

Outer Darkness

A few days ago I was about to take a nap and I imagined myself being at the bottom of the ocean, for some reason at times I imagine this and it utterly terrifies me. The pitch blackness and vastly unaware of what’s going on if I were to be down there. And then another […]

Horrors of Eternity

“My heart is in anguish within me; the horrors of death have fallen upon me.”‭‭Psalm‬ ‭55‬:‭4‬ ‭ESV‬‬ This is a night of doubt and terror in my soul, my heart has been stricken wondering if I’m real or reprobate. From what scripture speaks the gate is so narrow and few find eternal life, yet when […]