Regret

Chains of salvation that pierce everyday I cannot remove them. I would rather live right than in hell lift up my eyes There are no sufficient words I can use as a metaphorical allegorical expression of such beckoning darkness I feel at this hour. The start of a new year ah yes the hell it’s […]

Revelations of schizoaffective disorder

Haven’t journaled in a while. It’s a strange feeling. I’ve had many bitter nights walking around this temple. Rambling for hours. Tears of blood, affliction. Because of the scroll of my life, my sin. I find my life to be utterly so repugnant and futile—the utter vanity and sheer chaos that goes on in my […]

CLIPS FOR EDITS

https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/14nVvCbe-OIt–sLgJb22vC6_xrVMJMVX?usp=sharing Enjoy, boys we cannot succumb to the simp syndrome. I will add more to the pack overtime. Gotta look out for the AMVbrethren you feel? If MOV or can’t open use HANDBRAKE ——-+ https://handbrake.fr/downloads.php الأمل في الجنون “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets […]

The Architecture of Spiritual Torment: A Theological-Psychological Analysis

This was an AI generated this for me based off my writing. I can’t remember when or where it was. My brain is utterly fried. However, the gospel and the mission goes forward to wipe out the devil and his angels. Part 1: The Double Bind of Salvation The Impossibility of Grace. Your torment centers […]

I can only like in my condition to the body inwardly decomposing I am so tired. The mind is vigilant all day no rest, terror stricken in public from possible lust, I live in perpetual war of the mind just about every waking moment I am alive. It’s not that I want to die. It’s […]

Christian Deconstruction when people denounce their faith because of religious trauma

Deconstruction is tragedy often paved the way by false ministers and religious hypocrites who are not of Christ. I follow The Carpenter but I still wrestle with these things.

I was a beast before thee

Finding comfort in the Psalmist Asaph with accusations of God and embitterment with him

SAULS RISE AND FALL

This entry was from a few weeks ago I’m in a better place mentally now thank God. I was able to go see the brethren in the church for a short time. Hearing a message on the fall of Saul was a timely reminder of what pride can do to a man. I wrestle with […]

Disorderly but God is orderly

These next posts I will try to keep in order as best I can. I’ve worked on many of them at once, and my thoughts have been scattered. If something seems out of place, that is why. My prayer is to stay consistent in the blog and the ministry — not for my own sake, […]

Why

Why am I who I am. Why am I so weak and tired feeling like a 90 year old man at 27 no amount of rest is enough. Darkness has become my companion. Angry enough to die and there’s nothing I can do about it. Im ashamed of my existence and sorrowful onto death.