Rotten

It there was no hell I would utterly destroy myself and blow my head off going further I would go to a secluded place where nobody could find my corpse except a person I hired to be with me to dig a grave and after I’m dead throw me in there and burn the body […]

Terror

An incomplete journal entry from last year was having a meltdown before church. My condition is so loathsome I could dig my own grave and not bury myself. Calling upon The Carpenter for grace and help there is no comfort to be found. Mere moments ago I was rejoicing and full of great joy. Now […]

Unjustified wrath justified wrath.

I do tremble in my soul at how God knows my every thought, sin, and action. But all the more how He’s fully aware of The sheer rage and anger I have at Him at times. Yet I cannot say He’s evil or that it’s hatred. God if hell wasn’t real I would utterly destroy […]

The dark side of Calvinism the forgotten historical cases of suicide inside the church

The psychological toll of Calvinist theology during the Reformation, Puritan, and Great Awakening periods produced a documented trail of despair, madness, and suicide among ordinary believers—cases often minimized in traditional church history. From a London wood-turner who attempted suicide ten times to prominent citizens who cut their throats in religious terror, the doctrine of predestination created what scholar John Stachniewski calls a “persecutory imagination” that tormented those who could not find assurance of their election. These are not merely famous cases like Luther or Bunyan; they represent hundreds of obscure individuals whose suffering appears in diaries, court records, and pastoral literature—voices largely buried until modern scholarship began excavating them.

The souls unmet relief the yearning for death

Pure faith and irony intertwined the only thing that stops me from devoting myself to destruction is the fear of damnation. It’s on these nights of the soul if I could do it knowing I can go to heaven I would utterly wipe myself off the face of this forsaken earth. A world full of […]

Memory Hoarding in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

An old article on memory Harding, remembering everything that’s forgotten, forgetting everything that’s remembered

THE HARLOT AND THE SCREEN

BABYLON THE GREAT, MOTHER OF PROSTITUTES AND OF EARTH’S ABOMINATIONS (Rev 17:5).
While the historical referent of this vision encompasses the totalizing systems of worldly power-Rome in John’s day, and every empire of idolatrous commerce since-the pornography industry stands as perhaps the most precise modern analogue to the Harlot’s economy. It traffics in the same merchandise: human bodies and human souls (Rev 18:13). It enchants by the same sorcery: pharmakeia, the drugging of the nations (Rev 18:23). And it will meet the same end: total, catastrophic, irreversible exposure and ruin.
This study traces three movements: first, the spiritual anatomy of Babylon as described in Revelation 17-18; second, the precise correspondence between Babylon’s character and the modern pornographic industry; and third—most terrifyingly—what the Day of the Lord means for those images that men now love, and how they will become objects of absolute horror.

Worn.

Tonight was Wednesday night for the students. Very convicting, good message. A couple of them were baptized. I was rejoicing in my spirit about this. There can be an emotional response to the Gospel but not actually a spiritual one—namely, not true repentance. But with the way these kids have been pursuing the Carpenter, I […]

Rage at the most high God worship as torture not praise

This is an entry from around two months ago (possibly) I’ve had to repent of my foolish thoughts accusing God. I was embittered by the holiday theatrics, and everything being so happy—joy, joy, merry music—was an utter sound torture. Not that I’m blaspheming His church, but just overloaded. It’s as if I could’ve drowned in […]

Jesus’ Words to Sinners vs. Hypocrites – A Comprehensive Study

Deep Research on chat gbt on how Jesus talked to people differently. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus Christ demonstrated remarkable discernment in how He spoke to different people. He extended compassion and gentle grace to everyday people and notorious sinners, yet He reserved His fiercest rebukes for religious hypocrites and the spiritually “lukewarm.” This contrast is […]