The phone Screen as the High Place, the Swipe as the Sacrifice and the Plague That Follows

Biblical study on hook up culture sex and the lasting physical and spiritual effects of it and it’s utterly utterly terrible. The biggest scandal is that I’m tempted to do the very thing that could destroy my soul. I’d rather be hung by a noose than go to a harlot’s house or cheat on my […]

Worn.

Tonight was Wednesday night for the students. Very convicting, good message. A couple of them were baptized. I was rejoicing in my spirit about this. There can be an emotional response to the Gospel but not actually a spiritual one—namely, not true repentance. But with the way these kids have been pursuing the Carpenter, I […]

Regret

Chains of salvation that pierce everyday I cannot remove them. I would rather live right than in hell lift up my eyes There are no sufficient words I can use as a metaphorical allegorical expression of such beckoning darkness I feel at this hour. The start of a new year ah yes the hell it’s […]

Revelations of schizoaffective disorder

Haven’t journaled in a while. It’s a strange feeling. I’ve had many bitter nights walking around this temple. Rambling for hours. Tears of blood, affliction. Because of the scroll of my life, my sin. I find my life to be utterly so repugnant and futile—the utter vanity and sheer chaos that goes on in my […]

A living contradiction the cycling of madness

Spiraled out last night now I’m here.

Numerous words of foolish counsel and creative ruin of the mind in the pursuit of the gospel

God it seems has rekindled my passion for editing again as of late. I’ll be up nights consumed with ideas for the gospel and the ministry, I went hard for the world when I lived for it so I may as well for the gospel is Jesus not worthy? I started recording videos for the […]

The appointed time has grown shorter than before

The view was pleasant while getting my monthly infusion the other day. Gods creation never ceases to amaze me some days, other days I’ll disregard it. I have been stepping out recording again, videos for the gospel. I cringe and wince at the fact of calling it “preaching” so to ease my conscience I tell […]

The Razor Guarding my Heel is nothing compared to the One on my Heart

Cut myself yesterday, the tears hurt me more than the cuts. I suppose because I didn’t feel the presence of God one bit, it says He’s near to the Broken Hearted but this comfort is foreign to me as of late. So I wept alone in my car alone on my break at work… I […]

Darkness has become my companion

I’m grateful The Lord gave me this new job, it has been around a year since I’ve been able to work from the psychologist spiritual trauma of the past years. I tried to kill myself twice these past 2 years, sometimes I wish it worked. Other times I don’t. I suppose as of late I […]

Deceitful Heart

I’ve been praying earnestly that my heart doesn’t harden, though I know it’s satan lying to me and my own wicked heart I’ve been imagining God as this evil God who is ready to throw his creation into hell. Or wondering why the fall every happened and why let humanity continue if there were going […]