Heaven

When I get there (that little voice in my head says: “if I get there.” I want to see Christ first, if I receive any reward or diadems I’ll cast it to the ground, He deserves it all I didn’t earn any of it. I have so many question’s, I wonder if I’ll even care […]

Hatred For Intellectual Pride

I know that The Scriptures say the people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge, namely the knowledge of the gospel of Jesus Christ. What I believe the battle I always face is seeing Jesus more as “the truth” but not as an intimate person and God to commune and fellowship with as a believer […]

More Knowledge is More Sorrow

As of late if I’m not anxious I’m sad and when I’m anxious I’m sad, but the worse is when its both, I can barely feel the presence of God and the comfort of The Holy Spirit. My eyes are wasting away from grief and pain. As a wise man of God said: “If one […]

Misery in Obedience Convinced in Omission

I’ve been convicted of not obeying God as I’ve felt The Holy Spirit has been telling me to, I have continually heard: “I want you to let go of gaming.” In my head over and over the last year or so, and my soul sinks within every time I hear it. Though I try to […]

The Razor Guarding my Heel is nothing compared to the One on my Heart

Cut myself yesterday, the tears hurt me more than the cuts. I suppose because I didn’t feel the presence of God one bit, it says He’s near to the Broken Hearted but this comfort is foreign to me as of late. So I wept alone in my car alone on my break at work… I […]

Ironic Laments

It’s the same story, the same complaints. What can I say that I haven’t before? I’ve had to force myself to stop being angry because I’ll end up spiraling out and try to kill myself again. I love how God forms other Christians in their mother’s womb and they aren’t born with any mental illness. […]

I don’t want it to leave

I stayed up all night, I was restless in bed. I’m running on about 1 hour right now. I feel no doubt of salvation, no sadness, pain, nor anger. Those who’ve hurt me I hear no grudge against. I pray that the most wicked men repent and turn to Christ. I don’t want it to […]

Nobody like her

I don’t know what to even say, I feel like a husk of a man. Like the disregarded kernels of corn, my thoughts are vacant and dimly lit, it’s like The Holy Spirit is barely shining through closed curtains in me. That’s the only light I have, though it’s as if He has departed from […]

Contentment in Others, Grief Within.

Last Sunday I was with a brother at church and when I asked if he was seeing anybody he said he’s enjoying this single season with The Lord and I could see he was filled with genuine joy and I was happy for him. It’s not that I was envying him I truly was glad, […]

Darkness has become my companion

I’m grateful The Lord gave me this new job, it has been around a year since I’ve been able to work from the psychologist spiritual trauma of the past years. I tried to kill myself twice these past 2 years, sometimes I wish it worked. Other times I don’t. I suppose as of late I […]