Christian Deconstruction when people denounce their faith because of religious trauma

Deconstruction is tragedy often paved the way by false ministers and religious hypocrites who are not of Christ. I follow The Carpenter but I still wrestle with these things.

I was a beast before thee

Finding comfort in the Psalmist Asaph with accusations of God and embitterment with him

SAULS RISE AND FALL

This entry was from a few weeks ago I’m in a better place mentally now thank God. I was able to go see the brethren in the church for a short time. Hearing a message on the fall of Saul was a timely reminder of what pride can do to a man. I wrestle with […]

A living contradiction the cycling of madness

Spiraled out last night now I’m here.

Numerous words of foolish counsel and creative ruin of the mind in the pursuit of the gospel

God it seems has rekindled my passion for editing again as of late. I’ll be up nights consumed with ideas for the gospel and the ministry, I went hard for the world when I lived for it so I may as well for the gospel is Jesus not worthy? I started recording videos for the […]

The appointed time has grown shorter than before

The view was pleasant while getting my monthly infusion the other day. Gods creation never ceases to amaze me some days, other days I’ll disregard it. I have been stepping out recording again, videos for the gospel. I cringe and wince at the fact of calling it “preaching” so to ease my conscience I tell […]

Fearful of Death & Loathing Life

It only gets worse, I’m not done with Christ but I’m done with me. I think I’m improving and then another trial comes with despair of salvation. Feeling condemned because I don’t want to open up the Bible, so vanity and worldly things full my mind. If I read or not I feel condemned either […]

Descent into Darkness & The Steadfast Love of The Lord

An angel could come from heaven and tell me that I’m not headed for hell and I probably wouldn’t believe it, it would take Christ to physically step out of heaven once again and talk to me face to face to comfort my soul. A perverse generation asks for a sign but I’m befit of […]

Relational OCD & Despair

It’s been nice to have energy at last, I feel like a human again, the medication to help with fatigue from MS has helped tremendously. Since I could remember I’ve been fearful of rejection and disappointing others, it’s no suprise that when I got saved I was continually fearful of God. Afraid that in His […]

Seeking a Sign

I Recently got diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) (an autoimmune disease that eats away at the protective nerves and causes nerve damage.) Truly I cannot thank Jesus enough for it being caught early and to give me answers to why I’m so tired all the time/ fatigued. The doctor started me on medication to help […]