High stakes I’ll use everything.

I heard a very powerful sermon this morning at a funeral, of a distant family friend. Very spirit-filled, old-school Baptist preaching. What I have yearned to hear for a while now. I couldn’t help but start crying with a couple of things he was saying. He said some hard things concerning sin and how we […]

divine madness and creative destruction

A document I requested whenever I was having a religious schizophrenic manic episode

Where were you in the confusion?

Was having a rather great night last night then woke up to something unexpected. I think of Jonah and how he was so angry at the leaf the sprout up and the sun beam down on him often times on over we are under such affliction. The smallest thing will set us off into […]

What I want I cannot obtain

If you’re let to donate to my ministry cashapp $hopeinmadness Met my advisor at college today. A lot of the anxieties I had concerning all of the details — financial aid, classes, et cetera — got cleared up. I attended college around four years ago, before I got the multiple sclerosis diagnosis. But I withdrew, […]

The root of bitterness

I went to service earlier today. During church, I get more so filled — talking to God’s people, God using them to speak through them. Concerning worship, I feel nothing. Concerning sermons, here and there I’ll get a word that I need to hear. It’s just that I wish there were more sermons about sorrow […]

The sorrow and rage of adolf Reinhard

A Hope in Madness document — using an anime life as a lens on masked suffering, betrayal, and the gentleness of Christ toward the wounded conscience. Adolf Reinhard of Terra Formars is a man of extraordinary gentleness hidden behind a scarred, frightening exterior — a husband who kept loving a wife who betrayed him and […]

The Thin Line: Prophetic Calling, getos Delusional Ideology, and What Keeps a Man From Becoming His Own God and cult

A Hope in Madness essay on Suguru Geto, the clinical shape of religious psychosis, the history of false prophets, and the specific mercies that have kept this ministry from becoming a cult. Prologue: The Road Not Taken There is a version of me that never wrote this essay. There is a version of me who […]

The Man Beneath the Mask the Tobi Persona and the psychology of creating dual personalities from trauma to cope

A theological–psychological–clinical case study, prepared for Ken, of the ministry “Hope in Madness” TL;DR Key Findings Details I. A Close Reading of Obito’s Life and the Birth of “Tobi” Begin with the boy, because everything hinges on the boy. Obito Uchiha entered the story as the opposite of the Uchiha stereotype: not cold, not gifted, […]

The dangers of infidelity we must be better

Tonight has been very good. Very good indeed. I have found restoration of my spiritual condition. By no means perfect, but we will take it. A drop of honey is sweeter than a mouthful of dirt, obviously. Tonight with the students was very powerful. You could feel the conviction of the Holy Ghost very strong. […]

Stay here for them not you.

I find myself where there is no comfort of the Holy Ghost, only utter darkness. Sitting in church with the brethren, I cannot bear to read the Bible at times. I sometimes cannot bear to listen to a sermon. All it adds to my damnation on earth, the utter torture—as if I could be beheaded. […]