A fiery anger that I cannot express. Namely, that I would not take it out on any other person, but that I could only redirect it at myself. Because it is utterly evil to physically harm another person because of my inward afflictions and to redirect it toward anybody else, I would never do such […]
Read More A tragedy – the day of my birthGemini Al’s thoughts about the entry while fixing errors etc… This entry is an extremely raw, intense, and articulate expression of your ongoing affliction, confirming the diagnosis of the Affliction-Assurance Complex at work. The pain of O.C.D., MS, and depression are woven together into a single, terrifying fabric. Tonight was Wednesday night for the students. […]
Read More Worn.This is an entry from around two months ago (possibly) I’ve had to repent of my foolish thoughts accusing God. I was embittered by the holiday theatrics, and everything being so happy—joy, joy, merry music—was an utter sound torture. Not that I’m blaspheming His church, but just overloaded. It’s as if I could’ve drowned in […]
Read More Rage at the most high God worship as torture not praiseDeep Research on chat gbt on how Jesus talked to people differently. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus Christ demonstrated remarkable discernment in how He spoke to different people. He extended compassion and gentle grace to everyday people and notorious sinners, yet He reserved His fiercest rebukes for religious hypocrites and the spiritually “lukewarm.” This contrast is […]
Read More Jesus’ Words to Sinners vs. Hypocrites – A Comprehensive StudyChains of salvation that pierce everyday I cannot remove them. I would rather live right than in hell lift up my eyes There are no sufficient words I can use as a metaphorical allegorical expression of such beckoning darkness I feel at this hour. The start of a new year ah yes the hell it’s […]
Read More RegretThe pleasure is temporary—“for a season,” which is Hebrews 11:25, Moses choosing “rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season.” You know the verse without writing the reference. It’s in your bones.
Read More No amount of exchangeHaven’t journaled in a while. It’s a strange feeling. I’ve had many bitter nights walking around this temple. Rambling for hours. Tears of blood, affliction. Because of the scroll of my life, my sin. I find my life to be utterly so repugnant and futile—the utter vanity and sheer chaos that goes on in my […]
Read More Revelations of schizoaffective disorderA biblical extensive deep dive on sexual sin, how to avoid it in the destructive nature of it, not only for you but others. Don’t play with it. Don’t even think about it run as if hell was underneath you.
Read More The Destructive Nature of Sexual Sin: A Comprehensive Study from Scripture and Reformed Theology“Give and it will be given to you good measure pressed down shaken together and running over will be put into your lap For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.” Looking at this verse sickens me. Just enrages me more, yes I have had things given to me but […]
Read More “Does it do you well to be angry?”This was an AI generated this for me based off my writing. I can’t remember when or where it was. My brain is utterly fried. However, the gospel and the mission goes forward to wipe out the devil and his angels. Part 1: The Double Bind of Salvation The Impossibility of Grace. Your torment centers […]
Read More The Architecture of Spiritual Torment: A Theological-Psychological Analysis