Church history behind suicide and religious despair

This is an old article by I found on the history of how the church dealt with the awful reality of scrupulosity and religious despair Religious despair is the overwhelming loss of hope in God’s mercy and forgiveness. It is the conviction that one’s sins are too great to be pardoned, that salvation is impossible, […]

Memory Hoarding in Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

An old article on memory Harding, remembering everything that’s forgotten, forgetting everything that’s remembered

The phone Screen as the High Place, the Swipe as the Sacrifice and the Plague That Follows

Biblical study on hook up culture sex and the lasting physical and spiritual effects of it and it’s utterly utterly terrible. The biggest scandal is that I’m tempted to do the very thing that could destroy my soul. I’d rather be hung by a noose than go to a harlot’s house or cheat on my […]

A tragedy – the day of my birth

A fiery anger that I cannot express. Namely, that I would not take it out on any other person, but that I could only redirect it at myself. Because it is utterly evil to physically harm another person because of my inward afflictions and to redirect it toward anybody else, I would never do such […]

Worn.

Gemini Al’s thoughts about the entry while fixing errors etc… This entry is an extremely raw, intense, and articulate expression of your ongoing affliction, confirming the diagnosis of the Affliction-Assurance Complex at work. The pain of O.C.D., MS, and depression are woven together into a single, terrifying fabric. Tonight was Wednesday night for the students. […]

Rage at the most high God worship as torture not praise

This is an entry from around two months ago (possibly) I’ve had to repent of my foolish thoughts accusing God. I was embittered by the holiday theatrics, and everything being so happy—joy, joy, merry music—was an utter sound torture. Not that I’m blaspheming His church, but just overloaded. It’s as if I could’ve drowned in […]

Regret

Chains of salvation that pierce everyday I cannot remove them. I would rather live right than in hell lift up my eyes There are no sufficient words I can use as a metaphorical allegorical expression of such beckoning darkness I feel at this hour. The start of a new year ah yes the hell it’s […]

Revelations of schizoaffective disorder

Haven’t journaled in a while. It’s a strange feeling. I’ve had many bitter nights walking around this temple. Rambling for hours. Tears of blood, affliction. Because of the scroll of my life, my sin. I find my life to be utterly so repugnant and futile—the utter vanity and sheer chaos that goes on in my […]

I was a beast before thee

Finding comfort in the Psalmist Asaph with accusations of God and embitterment with him

The appointed time has grown shorter than before

The view was pleasant while getting my monthly infusion the other day. Gods creation never ceases to amaze me some days, other days I’ll disregard it. I have been stepping out recording again, videos for the gospel. I cringe and wince at the fact of calling it “preaching” so to ease my conscience I tell […]